Tampal

Orang kata kau perlu jadi lebih tegas.

Ada orang lain kata kau perlu jadi santai dan chill.

Ada orang kata kau perlu jadi demokratik.

Ada juga orang yang nak kau jadi biasa-biasa.

Banyak jugak orang yang nak kau sabar je.

Ada jugak yang kata ah-kau-ada-kuasa-kan.

Semua kau dah buat.

Kau pulak-

Kau rasa dia nak apa?

Patutnya kena bertempat lah kot kan --

Bila dah betul tempat,

Kau pulak rasa bersalah

Calar hati manusia, jangan der.

Calar hati kau, takpe

Ubatnya kau sendiri ada.

Hati orang, kau ingat senang-senang nak tampal dengan selotep?

Sabar

Kadang kita cuma bersangka-sangka, berasa-rasa ---

bila sesuatu tak mencapai apa yang kita inginkan

Tapi kita lupa ---

Manusia itu, fitrahnya perlu saling memahami

Adakah kau --

Sudah faham semuanya?

Adakah kau --

Sudah faham mereka?

Sampai satu tahap,

Sompeknya kau terlihat pada orang,

Tapi ada kau rasa sompeknya itu ada banyak pada kau?

------

Kau dulu tak pernah macam ni, Amalina.

Paling-paling kau tak puas hati, jarang kau cuba buat luka dan calar di hati manusia.

Sakit kau kejap takpe. Sakit orang janganlah kau buat lagi membarah.

Apa yang Dia dah tarik?

Ada kau cek? Ada kau diagnos sakit tu dari mana?

Kau sendiri tahu jawapannya, Amalina.

Ternyata bukan kau sakit sebab manusia.

Tapi kau sakit sebab kau sendiri tak dapat memupuk sabar.

Sabar.

Align

One thing I realized from writing a research paper is you need to be very careful in your writing especially in claiming some sentence that may seem to be like a fact. For example you have known about an idea or statement but you have to support it with research or something related. And what more frustrating is that a lot of people say about that but you have to search for the original person that first come out with the viewpoint. As for me, some statement is like a common sense where people know it from life experiences etc but it just that they don’t write in a proper documentation of research and reviewed by a lot of people. 

But to reflect on this, I would say that for whatever knowledge we have been insightful of, we cannot simply claim as it is ours. The fact that it is not posted on paper, online, books, doesn’t have to be your reason to not come out with your own idea. The idea of credited something to the original person is good but the fact that it may limit your kind of thinking may hinder some aspect of critical thinking as you only have to refer to someone’s else.

It brings me to realize that the genuine owner of the knowledge is none other but Allah. His knowledge in the Quran should be providing us with the main source of knowledge before anything else. Whatever knowledge that we receive, is not solely from us, but from Him, the Most Intelligent. May He guide me to write more reflecting on His ayat. Day by day. Tadabbur every single words He had sent for our guidance.

I really want to break from the virtual world that connecting me from people. I want to take a break from commitment for a while, to find my own inner peace. Let me rest for a while. It is very tiring to be honest to deal with myself when I am encountering people with different point of view. 

_____

I remember back then when all the purpose of doing something is because of Allah, all things are smoothen. It may not necessarily smooth but the satisfaction is beyond what you are thinking of. You have the same aim, you have the same niat, to please Allah. To achieve Allah’s redha. In whatever you are doing. 

And after that, let Allah settle the rest. The peacefulness is beyond your imagination. Even if you are having some internal conflict within the community, but each of you understand each other. And the hatred is not prolong.

I should have start with tarbiyah again. Instill Allah’s redha beyond anything else.  

Unreal

We met for a reason. It has been almost 4 years I found my new world in which no one know about my past. I create new surrounding, new circle of friends, talking to people from all walks of life regardless their age and background. Everyone went there for some untold stories that only they know and each of them has the reason why they are still there.

The world is a brand new world that if you know how to properly make friends, you will bump into non-judgmental people who never judge your past or ask too much about your past. Maybe a bit but after you feel comfortable to talk about it.

That is the place where I met people that can listen to my rant, even though we have never met in person. Not just listen to mine but also listen to their story of life. You will expect nothing from only through chat conversation, you see the world in a different perspective.

Well, maybe it is just me that still trap in those world. I still couldn't find the real world that I can believe. For the time being, I am happy to stay there, writing and chatting about the stuff I never heard of and learn from people's life.

It may be nightmare to some part of my life, but as long as I have not meet something that I am proud of in this real world, I will stay there. Making new circle of friends where everyone has their own canvas of life to paint on.