Writing

Sometimes, I am thinking of writing a blog that can benefit other people. Writing about my passion in mental health or arts, talking about my thoughts and journey. But when it come to writing about some academic stuff, I am afraid, I am afraid that I could deliver a wrong information. I believe in the importance of having the right resource and information before writing somethings.

At this point, apart from believe in what I have learnt and write it down in writing, I hope to have someone that can check my writing, a proofreader that can comment my writing before I publish it somewhere. Especially the one that involve knowledge and information.

Just before this, I am thinking of writing a blog. Instead of thinking, just do it! I think about so many things including what kind of writing should I start with.

I always have the thought to become someone else qualified before writing some academic stuff. First, because I care about the ethical issue, second, I believe on giving the right information so that people can benefit out of it.

Rewritten #2

Aku rasa tahun 2019 ni tahun yang sesuai untuk aku menulis dan membaca semula. Dah banyak yang aku lalui, dah banyak perasaan yang aku rasa, dah banyak kerenah yang aku hadapi tapi sebenarnya semua tu manis bagi aku. Mengajar aku satu perjalanan panjang yang aku takkan dapat pada dimensi yang lain. 

Tapi dalam banyak perkara ni, aku masih terasa masa berlalu begitu lambat. Menunggu-nunggu di saat aku akhirnya bergraduasi ijazah sarjana pada usia sebegini, aku kira, Dia sudah aturkan aku hidup yang begini sebab Dia menyediakan aku dengan sesuatu yang lebih besar pada masa hadapan. Bukan semua orang lalui apa yang aku rasa. Bukan semua orang dapat tafsir riak muka yang selalu ketawa tapi dalam jiwa penuh dengan perlawanan perasaan yang bergelodak.

Satu-satu jalan kehidupan aku lalui dan aku kutip-kutip batu pengalaman yang terjumpakan. Dengan harapan, batu-batu ini nanti yang akan menolong aku melangkah ke ruang perjalanan yang lebih berliku nanti.

Cuma, tak dinafikan, terkadang rasa terkilan dan sedih itu ada. Di saat kawan-kawan seusiaku sudah punya kerjaya dan keluarga, aku masih di sini mencari-cari makna diri dalam meneruskan kehidupan. Belajar bidang Psikologi sebenarnya adalah satu ilham Allah yang aku rasa sangattt aku bersyukur. Di saat aku rasa tak punya arah ke mana aku harus teruskan pembelajaran, Dia datangkan ilham untuk mengambil bidang Psikologi yang mana aku rasa secara langsung dan tidak langsung banyak mengajar aku untuk bangkit semula.

Bukan sekali dua dalam kelas aku rasa sebak dan memujuk diri. Terutama kelas yang bermain dengan emosi, Aku rasa aku dah punya jawapan sendiri. Dan aku yakin, Dia letakkan aku di sini sebab Dia tahu aku mampu hadapi semua ini.

Dan memang betul. Tempoh masa 4 tahun banyak mengajar aku tentang diri.

Rewritten #1

Living in a world of different dimension is really difficult for me. It is like you are in an adult body but stuck in a teenager's timeline. There is a lot of thing you see in a different perspective because you have been living in many surroundings, yet you have to bear with the current surrounding that don't allow too much your skills to be expanded. It is like you want to contribute so much for others, but you have to go back to see what resources you have now.

So, it started with being the leader of the society in my current university. To be honest, I am not the kind of pupil who likes to be the leader in an organization. I am more a preserved person rather than being extrovert in front of people. When people see me nowadays, they might think that I am a prefect during my school. In elementary school, yes but not in high school. I am not bold enough in front of my teacher's eyes to become a leader to others.

But it is all change during my Form 4, when my chemistry teacher was in the process of screening students to become the participant of innovation contest which is annually held for SBP level. I was glad that I was among the four students that was chosen to take part in the innovation competition. While the rest of the students chosen were prefects, I am the only non-prefect student to be chosen. I would say that I was proud enough. Also, I am just being me in my Biology class, doing the homework carefully and being proactive in the class. However, I don't even know what I am doing so good in Biology class that my teacher always mentioned my name as an example student. And to my surprise, it just not stop there, my name was mentioned to other junior as well as someone being excellent and well-behaved (hewhew) in class.

From that point I realize that, sometimes, I don't get what I want. (I really want to become the prefect because they always get the privilege - I want to proudly wear the suit - so childish hehe) but I just have to be patience. There will be someone or some people that will see the other side of me. And from that, nothing is more genuine that having people remembered your deeds more than what you said.

I think I need to write in Malay pulak. Lol what a closing.

2019; Self-Reflect

Actually it has been a long time since I have not write anything. I stop writing before because I feel so empty and very unmotivated to even write about something. I realize in myself that the condition of my current situation affect a lot in directing what kind of writing I should write. The current emotion is very important to me to express in a subtle way in writing.

I still remember those times when I feel annoyed towards myself of other people, I expressed it through writing that only me can interpret and understood. Other people will view it as something normal that I observe about my surrounding but only me understand what the story behind it.

Sigh.

I miss reading. I miss writing. I miss indulge in my own world without feeling disturbed by things that happen around me. I think I should write again. And this time, not just to let people read, but most importantly to reflect on myself, how far has I gone and how good I had stood up, after a long episode of falling down.

2019; I am actually eager to reach 2020.

It is a looooong journey that I have been through and I am glad that I still survive.